FEEL a bit like God for the day by making some little people out of plasticine, and then judging them harshly.

TRAMPS. Avoid being constantly moved on by sleeping outside department stores and telling the police you are simply queuing early for the sales.

B&Q. Why not replace the ten permanently unmanned checkouts in your stores with more sales shelving, giving your customers a wider range of products they can queue up for half an hour to pay for.

CONTACT lens wearers. Keep your eyes snug and warm this winter by adding a few drops of chilli sauce to your cleaning solution.

PARENTS. Half a cocktail stick with a blob of nail varnish on the end makes an ideal "safety match" that your children can play with without the risk of setting fire to anything.

Golden BALLS  Final round contestants on Jasper Carrot’s Golden Balls quiz. Whether you come away with any money is entirely down to whether your opponent chooses to 'Split' or 'Steal', so you yourself may as well 'Steal'. That way, you double the amount, if any, that you win.

GOLDEN BALLS contestants. Eat greasy sausages before taking part in the programme. Then use your oily fingers to mark the 'Killer' balls with a cross so they are easy to spot when you're trying to 'Bin' them in the final round.

Regards