notthat

What Is All The Fuss About

notthat — Mon, 12 May 2008 15:41:00 GMT

I can't see what all the fuss is over this latest bugging row. Infringing someone's civil liberties by listening in to a conversation is a small price to pay for public safety and we should thank the security services rather than criticising them. In fact we must all do our bit and remain vigilant if we are to defeat the terrorist menace in our midst. I myself rent out an apartment of mine, to two student nurses, and I have installed surveillance equipment in the shower in case either of them goes in there to make a rucksack bomb.

Regards

Wish The USA Would Make It's Mind Up

notthat — Mon, 12 May 2008 15:38:00 GMT

I saw a few weeks ago that a man had been arrested trying to smuggle 2 kilograms of cocaine into the USA. Then last week I heard a man got arrested trying to smuggle 10 kilograms of cocaine out of the USA. I wish they'd make their minds up, do they want the stuff or not?

Regards

Puerto Banús security cameras get final rejection

notthat — Fri, 09 May 2008 13:53:00 GMT

Third government ruling against plan cannot be appealed, says councillor

There will be no security cameras in Puerto Banús. The sub-delegation of the government in Málaga province has rejected for the third time plans to introduced the cameras in the port zone.
The scheme had the backing of the local businesses, the CIT tourism body and the town hall. But the government has rejected the appeal by these organisations over its decision in January that the area did not warrant camera surveillance as it was not an area that suffered from serious crime.
The road to installing these cameras now seems to be closed. Marbella's councillor for security, Francisca Caracuel, has told the administration that there is no possibility that the latest ruling can be challenged. She will hold a meeting shortly with members of the CIT, which had promoted the scheme, to discuss if the plan should be amended.
The CIT has criticised thecentral government decision. Its president, Miguel Gómez y Molina, said he was surprised at the ruling, especially as 28 security cameras are to be installed in Málaga city.
The plan for Puerto Banús would have seen between 10 and 15 cameras connected via radio to a central control point. Here they would have been supervised by a number of agents specially trained for the task. It would have allowed for the best use of the port's security personnel, especially at peak holiday periods when around a million people of different nationalities flock to the area.
The businesses in the port had been willing to co-finance the cameras, which would have cost around 150,000 euros. It would also serve as a model for other parts of Marbella to copy. Permission for cameras was first sought in 2005 and Sr Gómez y Molina said it was inexplicable why ''the jewel in the crown of Andalucía tourism'' should be without this security provision.

Regards

Guts And Balls

notthat — Wed, 07 May 2008 13:06:00 GMT

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met
By your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?''

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
Perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.''

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
Speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately
result in death.

Regards

Have A History Teacher Explain This----- if they can.

notthat — Sat, 03 May 2008 09:43:00 GMT

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'

Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.

Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland

A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy huh?

Hey, this is one history lesson most people probably will not mind reading!

Regards

UNLICENSED TO JAIL

notthat — Fri, 02 May 2008 15:38:00 GMT

From May 1 driving without a proper licence could land you behind bars

Drivers who take to the roads without the appropriate licence now face immediate detention and up to six months in jail. New legislation, in force from May 1, substantially increases the penalties which courts can impose for the offence.
Tráfico estimates there are around a thousand unlicensed drivers in the province of Málaga, and until now the maximum punishment for those caught has been a fine and possibly the immobilisation of their vehicle. This has now changed, with Guardia Civil and local police officers instructed to detain anyone who cannot produce the correct document. Sanctions now include imprisonment for three to six months, or a fine and 30 to 90 days of community service.
Tráfico has already written to those who have been caught driving without a licence during the past year, warning of the pending change in the legislation. This was part of a larger package of amendments which came into force at the end of last year - making criminal offences of serious traffic infractions such as excessive alcohol levels, flagrant speeding and dangerous recklessness - but the piece related to driving without a licence was temporarily held back to give drivers a chance to correct their situation. That period has now ended and police patrols are expected to be out in strength over this holiday weekend.

No arrests for EU licence holders
The order to detain drivers immediately also applies to those who do not possess the appropriate licence for the vehicle being driven - for example, a car driver with a licence which only permits the driving of motorcycles. However, it does not apply to those found to be driving on a licence after losing all their penalty points or to those who cannot produce their licences on demand. Neither does it apply to those driving on a licence issued by another EU country which has expired or which is not backed up by a medical certificate. Similarly, the detention order will not be served on drivers holding non-EU licences, provided that they are still within six months of having arrived in Spain.

Regards

Top Tips (For May)

notthat — Thu, 01 May 2008 08:50:00 GMT

QUEENS. If a large jewel falls out of one's sceptre, it can easily be replaced with a pear drop of the same colour, from which one has sucked the sugar coating.

HM Queen Elizabeth II, Windsor

SMOKERS. Take a tip from tumble dryer users. Enjoy a crafty cig at your desk by attaching a flexible vent hose to your face and running it out of the office window.

QUEENS. Don't throw away old crowns. They make excellent cosies for Ming Dynasty teapots.

HM Queen Elizabeth II, Windsor

WEATHER presenters. When presenting the forecast, feel free to use both temperature scales for dramatic effect. Use Celsius for cold temperatures (-5?c sounds much colder than 23?F) and Fahrenheit for high temperatures (90?F has much more impact than 32?C)

HOUSEWIVES. Make the normally mundane task of switching the central heating on a little more exciting by singing 'The heating's on' to the tune of 80s hit The Heat is On by Glen Frey as you are doing it.

OLD PEOPLE. Save having to get a flu jab each year by not queuing outside the Post Office every Tuesday morning in the pouring rain an hour before it opens. They won't run out of money. It's not like the queue outside the butcher's during the war.

PARENTS. When people ask how old your child is, they want to know how old he is at the moment. The phrase 'he/she will be five next birthday' involves some tricky calculations and is not very useful.

MOURNERS. Read the dress code instructions on funeral invitations very carefully. Sombre, whilst being only 2 letters away from sombrero, is a world apart in tone.

MUMS. Confuse your children by mixing butter with their I can't Believe It's Not Butter. They won't know what to believe.

Regards

Can you believe them?

notthat — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 18:21:00 GMT

Two women came round to my house today, asking me what type of bread I ate.

I told them white bread. So for three hours they tried to convince me that brown bread was better for me. They were just Hovis witnesses.

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes

notthat — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:20:00 GMT

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud)

That's not right
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?
Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me ASAP
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man
Dum Fu*

Small Horse
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift
Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here
Wai So Dim

I thought you were on a diet
Wai Yu Mun Ching

This is a tow away zone
No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week
Wai Yu Kum Nao

Staying out of sight
Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile
Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive
Yu Stin Ki Poo

Great
Fa Kin Su Pa

Regards

Email scam alert

notthat — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:15:00 GMT

The Royal Gibraltar Police have issued a warning to the public after another wave of lottery scams commonly referred to as 'Nigerian' or '419' scams have hit the Rock. Many of these have been sent by post and residents of the Costa del Sol have also been targeted. You should exercise extreme caution if you receive unsolicited calls, emails, or letters which purport substantial wins with the 'El Gordo', 'La Primitiva', Euro Millions lottery or other similar institutions - especially if you haven't entered any of these lotteries.
The RGP says fraudsters are seeking to obtain bank and other personal details from their victims under the pretext that the winnings will be credited to their accounts. The personal and bank details are used by these criminals to fraudulently withdraw funds from the victims. Any such letters received in Gibraltar should be forwarded to the RGP's Financial Crime Unit.

Regards

Beware - The fake gasmencometh again

notthat — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:14:00 GMT

RESIDENTS in the Fuengirola area are being warned that fake gas inspectors are once again calling on homes and are especially targeting the elderly and foreign residents. The alert has been issued by Fuengirola's consumer office (OMIC) but there have been reports of these conmen's actions in other towns on the coast.
Fuengirola's councillor responsible for consumer affairs, Alison Paz, has stated that the OMIC has so far this year dealt with over 50 people who have been charged around 600 euros for unnecessary work to their gas installations.
Sra Paz said these conmen were tricking vulnerable people into parting with a large amount of money for little or no work. The law requires that gas installations should be checked every five years. This has to be carried out by a duly authorised organisation which in the case of Fuengirola is Moreno Rivera. The conmen present the unsuspecting residents with official looking identification documentation and issue them with fake invoices for the work. In one instance an elderly person was charge 900 euros for a job that should have cost around 60 euros to complete.

Regards

This one is good!!! (MasterCard Wedding)

notthat — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 21:25:00 GMT

You got to love this guy... This is a true story about a recent
Wedding that took place at Clemson University .It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from Long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new
father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone
a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.
He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, 'F---you!' Then he turned to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'
Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, 'I'm outta here.'
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.
While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out
about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the Bride's' and best man’s reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of Church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless' Commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two-week Honeymoon accommodations In Maui: $8,500.

The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD

Regards

Top Tips(for April)

notthat — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 21:14:00 GMT

CONVINCE your Nan that she's going senile by moving the bookmark in her Barbara Cartland novel 10 pages forward while she's not looking

BANANA lovers. Buy you’re bananas in bunches of 5 on Sunday. Then arrange them in order of ripeness and write a day of the week on each banana in felt pen, Monday on the ripest, Friday on the greenest, to save time making those decisions on a hectic weekday morning.

SUBMARINE designers. Why not put any water pipes on the outside of the sub? That way, if they burst, there is no harm done.

SLOVENLY householders. Always keep a few 'Get Well Soon' cards on the mantelpiece. When unexpected visitors arrive you can tell them that you have not been well and that's why the house is untidy.

GENTLEMEN. Next time you are making love with a lady, cross your eyes and Hey Presto! That saucy threesome with identical twins that you've always dreamed of.

INTERNET porn fans. Avoid tedious interruptions to wipe the screen by first covering it with several layers of cling film which can be torn off like F1 drivers do with their visors.

SAVE electricity by shortening the cables to all your household electric appliances.

KIDS. Threading a piece of string through a ping pong ball and painting it brown is ideal for a fun game of conkers that conforms with the 1974 Health & Safety Act, section 52, paragraph c.

Regards

Joke Of The Week(2 Nuns)

notthat — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 23:23:00 GMT

There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) .

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
Say two Hail Marys!

Regards

Teaching Maths

notthat — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:54:00 GMT

1, Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2, Teaching Maths In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price,
or £80, what is the profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is £80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2007
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of £20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. )

6. Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟

Regards